I haven’t written a poem in over a year… maybe a year and a half. But I have the option of doing either a story (15 pages) or a poem (no length or form requirements) for my Life Stages in Literature class and I, of course, chose a poem. It’s my forté, more so than fiction anyway.
Since I put this off until today and the poem is due by 5 p.m., I was wondering if anyone out in cyber-land wouldn’t mind giving me some feedback of what they thought, maybe their interpretation, what did or did not work, or just whatever. Any feedback at all is fine, I just want to bounce this off someone before I turn it in.
Tracing ellipticals around a fractured star
That sought a spotlight for its shine; we skipped from
Eight wheels to four, wooden slats bound tightly so our
Skates could glide while we held hands, and the roaring hum
Of sixteen-hundred revolts against inertia
Rattled our smiles. Eyes wide as we spun ecliptics
Inside the bleachers where he sat, eyes dark and shunned,
Hopeless anger flaring like a too-bent matchstick.
“He’s such a loser,” you complained, and I was shy,
So we laughed at his disease, like a secret shared
Between two friends who had escaped a forest fire
They chose to not prevent. I asked “Should you be there?”
But you, his girl, just smiled and clasped me to your chest;
Fell laughing to the floor, my head upon your breast.
Edit:: How embarrassing… I published this as a sonnet and it was only 13 lines long! I can’t believe I did that… fixed now.
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