Leather-bound Thoughts

Here is the poem described yesterday.

Spring 2005
Sonnet #1

I see the blessed black and white of us.
That picture sewn so carefully, so long,
Is done. Threads holding swift and sure from trust
That formed from patient years. I was not strong
At first but you assured my anxious plight
And loved my innocence. The empty frame
I feared would never fully fill with sight
Of you and me. The work! The precious game!
But you, your strategy, you had to win
Me over with your strange maturity.
I prayed to play with reservations in
My heart but lost it anyway. I see
The crowd. Our faithful witnesses are here
And we stand loud, our love for all to hear.

And now that I’ve read it again, I can definitely discern a significant amount of sap, but I still think it’s a fair first try.

My first experience with literary poetry was during my senior year in high school in College Composition. The assignment was to write a Shakesperean love sonnet. For someone forced to bite her tongue everytime she read the stanzas of deep longings and hidden dreams scribbled by her friends, so not to destroy their fragile esteems, this was a challenge. How could I write something as meaningful and borderline sentimental as exists in the every day female adolescent mind (because, you see, no teenager can write about love without some of those qualities coming through) but still maintain a professional and readable voice? My worst fear was that someone might see evidence of the turbulent thoughts swimming thick along the hallways of my high school in my own words.

This was my first lesson in finding a voice. Fortunetely, my teacher prepared us somewhat by guiding us in analyzation of Shakespeare’s original works thus providing me with the means to create something literary myself and not get lost in the depths of ambiguity. What do I mean by literary? First, she told us about images and showed us examples. It seemed simple and straight forward. (Ha!) Second, she explained metaphors, the definition for which I’d known since freshman year: a comparison between two things without using “like” or “as.” (What does that mean?) Better, she showed us metaphors IN images and I was completely blown away.

And then it was time to try it myself. As if the practice in images and metaphors wasn’t enough, I also had to adhere to the strict rules of the Shakesperean sonnet. To this day, it is difficult to find a good poem written in just iambic pentameter, much less one that rhymes, is exactly 14 lines long, and still contains a readable and non-archaic tone.

It seemed impossible, but the need to prove myself pulled through. I can’t say that my poem was better or even literary at all compared to my classmates. I know that I got an “A” and began to see the wide possibilities ahead of me, possibilities shrouded in mystery since poetry is one thing while prose is altogether another. But, it was a start and I still feel amazed when I read that sonnet. The most surprising thing to me is not the meter or the rhyme but the honesty behind it. I wrote about my feelings and was not disgusted by the dripping sap of it.

Things change. The man-shorts of my parent’s generation are today’s choice for thigh conscious women (like myself). “Thongs” used to be footwear before they rose in status for a decade or two. Now, they have returned to their original definition (in some circles).

“Fool” is another word that sways between two meanings. Once, it was descriptive. In my Introduction to Shakespeare class, there are two kinds: allowed and sophisticated. The allowed fool is the original fool (first used in the 13th Century), in that he or she lacks certain intellectual capacities, but is dressed up in special clothing as entertainment for the court. The sophisticated fool looks like an allowed fool but is actually more insightful than those around him or her.

Today, the word “fool” is much more general. Anyone can be a fool with a few examples of the expansiveness of the term being: dancing fool, Why Do Fools Fall in Love, April Fool’s Day. Fools can be made by situations. Some fools have skills while other fools are less intelligent. Fools should not fall in love with other fools.

All of this went through my mind this morning when my boss told me he once was punished in fifth grade for calling someone a “jack-ass” and his excuse that it appears in the Bible meant nothing.

Sometimes I don’t trust the English language, or at least our contemporary use of it. How do I know who is a fool and who is just pretending to be one?

Welcome to my new website, which is actually a branch off of Matthew’s, the inspiration for my new project. Since I began my time at Missouri State, I have been pursuing creative writing, specifically short fiction and poetry. While my psychology major is leading me toward a job that will (hopefully) impact people’s lives and fulfill my need for usefulness, writing has always been a second, somewhat buried, passion of mine. I remember my first class, Short Story 1, and thinking, “Wow, stories AREN’T born out of innate creative genius!” Since then, I have been on a long journey toward discovering my own voice that is meaningful and relevant to others (and containing just the right amount of brilliance).

My main goal for using this resource is to strengthen my skills and develop new ones. To do this I will write about whatever strikes my fancy although I do have a few specific topics in mind. For as long as I can remember wanting to be an author, I have also wanted to write my autobiography, so there may be the occasional childhood memory or reflection. I may also post a fictional piece here or there but since I have not decided how I feel about putting my creations out in the wide web for all to see and take, that may not happen for awhile. Generally, my writing will focus on more informational topics such as books, places I’ve visited, the latest psychological concept I have learned, and so on. I realize that not everyone will be interested in the same array of topics as myself . . . but I don’t care.

This is more an experiment than a commitment, so hopefully it will be successful.

Thank you for visiting.